If a man spends a lot of time doing things for his mother, it may seem like there is no need. Unlike many people on the planet, he will be a selfless human being.
Because he is like that, not only can his mother give him a lot of approval, but so can many other people. Therefore, one can get used to receiving a fair amount of positive feedback from others.
A constant stream of positivity
His mother could describe him as the perfect son, someone who does everything he can to be there for her and make sure she’s okay. As for his friends, colleagues and people he meets at work, for example, these people might say something very similar.
However, if a man is in a relationship, his partner may have a very different view of him. She could see him as someone who was there for others, but who wasn’t there for himself or her.
Out of balance
Whether she’s in a relationship or not, it’s clear that she’s neglecting herself. Therefore, while he will be kind to others, he will not be too kind to himself.
That being said, the kindness he shows to others is probably not real kindness. Instead, the main reason he behaves this way is probably to please others.
Anything but selfless
This will show that he has a strong need for approval, and almost his entire life is a way to achieve it. If he were to draw the line and change his behavior, he would likely come into contact with a lot of mental and emotional pain.
However, that doesn’t mean it’s something he consciously chooses to do because it’s probably something that just happens. In general, he is likely to be focused on what is going on outside, having little, if any, awareness of what is going on inside.
On the surface
As a result, his needs and feelings will usually be a mystery to him. But what will not be a mystery to him will be the needs and feelings of most people in his life.
Living this way will be a very effective way for him to gain approval, but it will not be a very effective way for him to live a fulfilled life. For this to happen, he will have to connect with himself and start taking care of his own needs.
But even though his life will not really serve him in this, he will feel compelled to behave in the same way. It will be important for him to deceive others, as well as himself, because it will be a way to keep his true feelings away.
Ultimately, his true self will be dominated by his false self, and it may take something drastic to change that. One may have to experience a breakdown, a breakup, or an illness in order to finally connect with one’s true self.
Since he has such a strong need to behave in the same way and avoid reality, it is clear that he carries a lot of pain. If not, he might just see what’s going on and change his behavior.
To understand why he carries so much pain and behaves in such a way, it will be necessary to take a closer look at what probably happened during his early years. This was probably the phase of his life when he missed out on what he needed to grow and develop.
Most likely, his mother used him to satisfy some of her adult and unsatisfied childhood needs. This would mean that most of his needs would be neglected and he would have to focus on his mother and take care of her needs.
If he didn’t, and that probably would have happened anyway, he would have been punished, disapproved of, and/or abandoned. The outcome of all this is that his true self would be hidden and a false self would develop.
Not meeting his needs on a consistent basis would prevent him from being able to go through each developmental stage and he would suffer greatly as a result. The false self that developed very early on would allow him to survive that way and, now that he’s grown up, will allow him to keep it together.
When this false self fell away, he would be thrown back into the emotional pain he experienced as a child. He wouldn’t receive the nutrients he needed to develop a strong core and so he would need the approval of others to keep himself from falling apart.
If a man can identify with this and is ready to change his life, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.